Christina I am so sorry you are struggling so much right now and that you didn't get to see your T on top of it. Please keep yourself safe and call the crisis line if you need. Don't forget to give yourself lots of extra love and compassion, even if it feels counter-intuitive right now. It's incredibly hard to believe when in the midst of it, but it really will pass and you won't feel like this forever. You have made it through many cycles before. Keep using the distractions and leaning on whatever support you have.