Raging vortex, we share the same reasons for wanting to go. There’s nothing here I want to do. Nothing excites me. I feel like a failure at everything. I feel like there’s just nothing left.

I stay for my pig. We are deeply connected and I don’t know if she’d be ok if I suddenly disappeared. I don’t know what my mom would do with her, or if she’d have a good home and adjust to it.

I suppose there is still a tiny tiny piece of me that hopes for better. A better future, better moods, better everything.

I’m scared to live and I scared to die.