Try to go to marriage counseling and support groups, if you have not already. I don't think you made a mistake. Unlike some people who jump into marriage, you a). Waited until your mid-30's; and 2). Made an well-informed decision about someone you knew for 17 years. Sometimes it takes a major triggering event for someone's true color to come out, and this could happen years into the marriage. I wouldn't give up right away. But as it takes two to work things out, he needs to cooperate with your effort.