I got the feeling you were being evasive when I asked why some folks get PTSD and others don't. You hesitated, then asked why I needed to know the answer to that question. I felt awkward telling you I was looking for reassurance that I wasn't always going to be a f***ing mess. You launched into a vague, roundabout explanation of unspecified variables. So I summoned up my strength and asked outright if you thought I was a total f** up. You hesitated again, and told me I wore my TFUism like a badge of honor. I don't think that was meant to be a compliment. But at least you said it nicely.

And here's the thing about therapy: I can't tell if I am getting better or worse. Some days I feel hopeful, and it almost seems like I can see my way out of the abyss. Then, without any warning, I'm stuck to the bottom like the f***ing loser that I am.