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I broke down at work today. Cried at my desk. Everyone was at lunch so I was alone and no one saw me. I gave in and called another therapist. I made an appointment for Saturday, but tomorrow I'm calling to cancel. Somehow it feels like I would be betraying you. It doesn't feel right.
Even though I know we are not a good fit as therapist/client, I want to go back to you because I know it's the only way for me to see you. But I can't. I can't because you closed that door. In an implicit way, you said that door was closed. You didn't have the courage to say it outright.
I think about your words and they hurt. I was the one who chose to end therapy, but for some reason I feel abandoned by you. You wanted me to leave. And now you've made sure I can never come back.
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"But it's in my roots, it's in my veins / It's in my blood and I stain every heart that I use to heal the pain." - River Lea by Adele
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