I recently went through a depressed episode and almost want up in the hospital for wanting to hurt myself.
With some Med adjustment, things seem to be going better. I feel happy but I just don't trust it.
I am afraid to let my emotions out and keep them held back and bottled up. I just want to feel that I can let them out and be real. Laugh talk enjoy time with others but I just keep waiting for the crash.
I am a rapid cycler which I never really kept that in mind until my last doctor's appointment where he reminded me of that several times. I may get two weeks 4 weeks 6 weeks a month. If I look back that my episodes I can see that now.

How do you let yourself feel and not be so scared to let them out and just go along with it?

It really stresses my brain out trying to find the best way to cope.