I don't know how I can keep going, not with the information I know. For the first time in my life (above age six), I'm crying at least once a day. I'm having these small breakdowns of panic, anger and so much ****ing despair. I feel like I can't keep doing this. I'm miserable and these things I know, these things I've heard and seen... I can't handle it. No one knows how bad it's gotten. No one knows what I do except for the people who'd put me through it. It's an endless nightmare coated in shame and disgust. I can't live with this. I'm sick to my stomach, I'm furious, I'm a ****ing mess. I keep crying on my friend's shoulder. I keep breaking down in front of her. She has so much going on, she doesn't need added stress and my turmoil. I'm this broken thing that can't be fixed. Everyone keeps saying I'm making progress and I have on a couple things, but have taken a hundred steps backwards on others. My T kept telling me yesterday that I can't keep bottling things up and shoving it down to the dark corners of my mind. But I can't face this. I can't do it. I can't be this person. ****, I'm less than a person and always have been. I'm no good and never was. People might disagree but it's the truth. I'm good for nothing. I wish someone would just end me so I don't have to keep living with this.