Hi everyone,
I let my mood swings take control of me. Currently I am manic but when I am manic it's weird but I think more about things and realize that I'm actually very unhappy. I don't have a single friend, my mother doesn't care about my situation, my "therapist" has become one of my best friends so I stopped going to her because it wasn't about helping me it was about us being friends. The problem is, she isn't really a friend and she just had a death in the family that I was there a supportive of. I truly believe she's just a bipolar as me. I've let myself become her therapist. I don't talk about me, we help her... Anyway after that rants I wanted to say that I am deeply unhappy. I haven't talked to my 11 year old son in over two months, which missed my birthday. I haven't seen him since May. I have some legal issues with courts and the reason I have PTSD got me in trouble and my ex husband took my son away legally. I cannot see him unless he approves it. It's the same with talking to him. I don't know why I'm writing this to be honest. I've gotten to the point where I would normally delete all this and not say anything but I'm going to try to keep this up. I want to talk to people who can understand. I'm not stable. My medications keep me at a point where I don't get super depressed out loud. Deep inside me I'm depressed but I've been able to ignore it. I'm ignoring everything I feel. I don't know what to do. My psych is trying as hard as he can. I'm lucky that I don't think of harming me or anyone else. Death scares me. Hooray another rant. I hope someone can see this and understand the rants that don't make sense.
Anyone I want to be there for everyone but I'm scared no one is going to be there for me. I'm here if you need it.