You need to be vocal.
I am quite tall 5'7.
Lost my puppy fat,
In the mid teens.
I was only sixteen.
I trained more because
One: I was not allowed
To got to my
Friends hangout at
Their older boyfriends house
And the second being:
I wasn't able
To go to my
My Grandparents since
My Mum picked me
To take her complaints
Out on. She is never
Happy unless she has
Someone or something
To moan about.
So paul was put
Up on a pedestal
But I was damned.
I had done nothing wrong.
I never drunk at weekends. Nothing.
So at my grandparents I was
Not greeted kindly.
In fact they treated
Me like a spoilt brat
Or ungrateful more accurately.
But I was not at all.
And my mum pulled
The wool over their eyes.
I did not even get
Lunch money for
Every day of the week.
And I tried to bury my
Feelings and toughen up.
I applied for a weekend
Job and the woman
Knew thug. So coincidentally
I did not get the job.
He would not have
Hesitated to say that
I was not the most
Confident of "his pupils."
So when I begun
Teaching and bag circuit
I was lean as a whippet.
And I still ate A LOT.
Thug went to town
On me for eating
Food from the chip shop
On a break saying
His gym would smell
Of greasy unhealthy food.
I also missed out
On relaxing at my grandparents
Not just my Grans
Wholesome home cooking.
I was exercising more,
Eating more after
I lost the puppyfat.
I spent more money
On food than music or magazines.
Buying wraps, sandwiches
Food while on the go
All the time like the bakers.
I would sometimes
Stand and read magazine
Articles in the shop.
I am surprised I was
Never approached by
A sales worker and asked
Are you going to buy that?
I can see why R.r. coach
Thought I looked
Like an ideal high jumper.
My teammates with
Their fast twitch muscles
Could have been runners.
And were more talented
Than I was. More confident.
And better looking.
I was intelligent
And a natural at timing
And had potential.
I was good at martial arts.
But I just was
Not good enough.
I lacked a certain conviction.
I would rather have
Got into a good university
Than the British Team.
A solid dependable
Degree would not disappear
And set me up for life.
I could not even
Get a referenece from thug
And I thought all
That hard work just
Went down the drain.
I never spoke of what
Could have been
After rehab. I cut
Myself off from it
Completely. I just
Thought : if the Scots
Have such big hearts
Why do I feel like
My whole community
Sees me as an outcast.
I felt like nobody was
Even giving me a chance.
I was marked, stigmatised
And thrown on the scrap heap.
Such a big hearted community.