Thank you Kiya, tulips, mckell, ECHOES, and MissCharlotte.

I hear a resounding note of agreement in all of your posts, yes, it is OK for me to ask T for guidance! Thank you. I guess I was feeling he might not be able to do that (he wouldn't be a good therapist if he did) and I didn't want to be rejected for asking him for something that I know he shouldn't give--I don't want to ask him to be a "bad" therapist. But you all make a good case. I will ask him for guidance. I just want to plop down on his couch and say, "what do you think we should do now?" And if he gives me the good therapist line, can I smack him?

And thanks to those of you who shared that you have also felt a male presence in you. My prior understanding of ego states had been limited and I thought they were always younger "me's", so this had seemed so very unsettling.

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McKell wrote:
Also, if he raises something that you don't want to talk about or don't think is a problem, your are likely comfortable enough to say, NEXT.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">Yes, mckell, that is true. What's problematic is some of the things in the divorce are triggering this little girl ego state of mine and the male is stepping in to protect both her and me, and so is sabotaging some of the divorce process. T, as the coach, has to make this process happen, and as the therapist, he has to help it not be re-traumatizing for me, which doing some healing now would help.

Last session I said to T several times I felt like I wasn't "normal" to have this well-developed male personality inside of me, with his own thoughts, feelings, fears, hopes, goals, job, and inner personal relationships with some of my other ego states. T reassured me it was normal but he also said several times, "you may be feeling this is not normal for you, but this is very normal for me. I work with clients and their ego states all the time." That is a way of telling me he knows what to do in therapy, isn't it? He knows how to handle this. I guess I should just trust him to be the therapist.