Thank you everyone for your wonderful support. It means the world to me. I will try to post more often now and even provide support if I can.

Last night I tried not taking Seroquel as I hate being on so many meds and, to be honest, I am vain enough to be worried about weight gain even when I should be more concerned about stability. I got like two hours sleep as I was wired and my mind wouldn't stop racing. It is 7 am so I am going to get into the day and try to do better tonight. Last night I caught up with a good friend and foolishly had a cigarette. Now my throat and chest are very sore. Before I went into hospital I was smoking marijuana all day every day so I guessed I would smoke something to try to combat the urges. Stupid me. Oh well, now I know. It's going to be hard to stay away from non-prescribed drugs.

I still feel so crazed and lost. My brain is set on 'intense'. I have been mixed for some time now. To be honest it is hell. a hell I am desperate to escape. Thankfully my parents have let me stay with them for a bit. In fact it was a condition on my release. My poor 68 year old mother is watching me like a hawk. So worried about my safety. I am lucky to have them. Being alone right now would be dangerous. It was only five days ago that I was actively suicidal but I bounced back and begged for my release. My T and pdoc are being extremely supportive as well. I must be a mess to warrant all this attention. It is hard to gauge just how bad I am from the inside as I swing so much and often have difficulty seeing clearly. Today I think I am a bit wild. I am going to my sisters' house to spend time with her and my four nieces and nephews. After that I should really try to have a nap, or at least do something non-stimulating. When I am high I make social plans. I think I have already made too many for the next week and need to slow down. This is a tightrope.

For those curious my med regime is:
Lithium SR 900mg
Lamotrigine 300mg
Lorazepam 5mg
Seroquel 50-200mg