I was a conscientious objector
When it came to team games.
Or was it my confidence?
Either way, I always
Found a way to slink off.
Hockey. Left the stick
And went to vending machine.
Oh wondered what
Happened to you?
Nah, no one ever did
Say anything except
Dad's perfume. You
Are not scared
To be a rebel.
I went through a phase
In first two years of
High school. I do not
Like these people
So I won't be on anyones team.
At football I chose
To be the goal keeper.
And nobody wants
To be relegated as keeper.
I volunteered as tribute.
I just did not have
The front to shout:
Pass to me. Over here.
If I knocked someone
Over I would be like
Oh god, i am so sorry
Let me help you up.
I did not have the
Killer intinct for sport.
And one girl,
Said I reminded her of
Darius, can you feel
The love in the room Danesh.
Calling me a flake.
She did not know
Why I reminded her
I think she was
Just used to saying
What was on her mind.
Youngest sister syndrome.
I never had reasons
To fight in primary.
But as the pressure
Mounted, from home
And I learnt that
I would get nowhere
If I stayed a wishy washy liberal
Sitting on the fence.
I begun to change.
Being a wall
Flower for a short time
Had brought me attention
Instead of letting me be.
Because I did not
Seem to care that
I had not seen
My friends for weeks.
I did martial arts.
Watched tv with my parents.
Did my homework.
Played video games.
And still spoke to
People at school.
I did not go to
The youth cafe with
My buddies who
Were jilted anyway.
I did not drink tia maria
Every second weekend
With them on streets
If they could even afford it.
Where did I get
This self assuredness from?
I did not have a boyfriend
And I was not popular
And I was clever
But not exactly a prodigy.
I was not really top,
In anything at high school.
The teachers just
Knew I did not try
Hard and still passed.
And I was warned
If I did not apply
Myself that highers
Would not come easy.
They were right.
But theres more
Than one way
To skin a cat.
And when it comes
To work, out there
Outside of the class room
I knew I was
On the money.
That balance between
Knowing your stuff
And knowing what
Makes people tick,
Can tip the scales
In your favour.
I have seen manipulation
Tactics in all its guises.
And I refused to
Play the games.
I witnessed them.
Moving the goal posts
At work, that was
An interesting one.
As if we were not
All ready pushed for time.
10 to 15 mins for a client.
No room for set backs
Or acts of god, weather delay.
Being two faced.
The most common.
I refused to play.
They know how to
Work the boss.
To me that spelled
A sook or a^s kisser.
You act like a tough nut
All the time said one,
As I would not compromise
And spilled the beans
On the frosty atmosphere.
Or another, goodness
You can be blunt.
And when I said
Absent minded we agreed
I was scatty. I Never
Thought I was considered
A tough nut. I thought
They saw me as some,
Socially awkward nerd
Not an ignorant hard ***
Who did not care
What others perceived
Them to be.