I am tormented most days by the fear of not being good enough. that my boyfriend doesn't truely love me, and he wants to be with someone else. I don't think he will cheat on me.. I just have this fear that he's settling for me, that in his mind he wants someone else. I don't enjoy sex because I imagine he is thinking of someone else.

That is all I think about when I am alone with my thoughts. I try self talk "What evidence do I have? , what can and can't I control in this situation?" But no matter how hard I try to encourage these thoughts I end up in a downward spiral, where the only coping mechanism I have is to numb myself and feel depressed.

Maybe I am just one of those people with 'abandonment and trust issues"? And this is something I need to accept. Maybe I'll end up alone and that is my fate because my intense need to be accepted and loved means I just push myself away.

I have a memory of my narcissistic ex asking me "What can you bring to the table?" Telling me I had issues and saying that if we had kids I wasn't going to parent them because he didn't want them to turn out like me.

Now I feel it's expected that I get over my past. People say "That's horrible but your current bf is different. you need to work on it and get over It."
If only it was that easy. I feel like I'm broken beyond repair.

What do happy people think of? I can't imagine not having self loathing thoughts