I feel really low . i haven't been on here for months .
Alot of bad stuff and difficult stuff has happened which i don't feel like talking about publicly
Im doing all my bad habits well not all because if I was I'd be drunk and on drugs again like in the past for self meficating
Im ashamed of myself and im lonely and feel empty
Im disgusted with myself
I don't feel completely suicidal yet but I'm almost at that level

I did something very brave today
I put myself on a dating app
I actually uploaded my picture even though the way i feel that i look makes me wish i was dead
Weirdly i had lots of attention
Men were even calling me beautiful
One man kept saying it and he even said he wants to marry me but I'm convinced he's a troll trying to set me up or have a laugh at my expense
I don't think anything good will come from the dating app.
Some seem to be looking for fun only
Im not lookung for anything really
Im just so lonely and empty and nothing can fill this void i feel inside .
I thought maybe talking on there would help a little but it didn't . everyone asked for my phone number but i didn't give it
One wanted to meet me tomorrow for sex . no chance .

Why oh why do i feel like this ?
What on earth can make me feel better ?
Im sick of hating myself

im so alone even when I'm not alone can anyone understand that

Is anyone here willing to be my friend ?
I think maybe it might help a little . i don't really have any friends that know the real me . this is the place where i am the real me .

Anyway sorry this was kind of a long rant .
Im hurting inside