Quote:
Originally Posted by yodakitty5
Hi everyone,
I let my mood swings take control of me. Currently I am manic but when I am manic it's weird but I think more about things and realize that I'm actually very unhappy. I don't have a single friend, my mother doesn't care about my situation, my "therapist" has become one of my best friends so I stopped going to her because it wasn't about helping me it was about us being friends. The problem is, she isn't really a friend and she just had a death in the family that I was there a supportive of. I truly believe she's just a bipolar as me. I've let myself become her therapist. I don't talk about me, we help her... Anyway after that rants I wanted to say that I am deeply unhappy. I haven't talked to my 11 year old son in over two months, which missed my birthday. I haven't seen him since May. I have some legal issues with courts and the reason I have PTSD got me in trouble and my ex husband took my son away legally. I cannot see him unless he approves it. It's the same with talking to him. I don't know why I'm writing this to be honest. I've gotten to the point where I would normally delete all this and not say anything but I'm going to try to keep this up. I want to talk to people who can understand. I'm not stable. My medications keep me at a point where I don't get super depressed out loud. Deep inside me I'm depressed but I've been able to ignore it. I'm ignoring everything I feel. I don't know what to do. My psych is trying as hard as he can. I'm lucky that I don't think of harming me or anyone else. Death scares me. Hooray another rant. I hope someone can see this and understand the rants that don't make sense.
Anyone I want to be there for everyone but I'm scared no one is going to be there for me. I'm here if you need it.
|
I am sorry you are unable to see your son regularly. That really must be tough.
Perhaps you need to get another therapist who can be more professional?
It sounds like you are trying the best you can to attain stability. When you have legal issues and negative things going on in your life, I think it is harder to make close friends because you can end up feeling different or worry about being judged if a stranger or acquaintence knew more about your life.
I have experienced these feelings and will probably never totally overcome it. I wonder if I am too crazy to get any kind of respect because I have not met society's expections. When my mood is positive, I say to myself, "I have changed", "I have healed", "I have overcome" and then other times I ruminate about the same things that went wrong--things that may never change!!!
For me, PC can be a good soundingboard but I find I have the same feelings here as I do in society--I have a tendency to feel like I don't quite fit in. However, it is a good place to experiment with reaching out to others in a safer place where your username is not your real name. Especially if you can be careful not to give out too many personal details about where you live, etc.