Quote:
Originally Posted by DP_2017
You seem stuck too and it's sad. I hate to see people feeling stuck in patterns in therapy. I'd also encourage you to try some small changes. If one of your ways to seeking reassurance is emailing often, go one week without, if you constantly apologize in session or ask T if they care, go one week without. When you see that T is still there, still cares and nothing has changed, it can help, It's no doubt hard and scary but it's a good way to slowly try to pull yourself out of the same patterns. That is merely my point, not that there HAS to be a time frame, heck I still have some trust issues with my T, mostly due to our rupture, but I've have to learn to let go and just let things be sometimes. See that he is still there and still cares etc. Otherwise it will just be me feeling stuck long term.
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You give this advice A LOT, and I don't know that it's always helpful or applicable. People have different needs, and every therapy relationship is different, with different feelings and preferences on both sides. Sometimes it's fine to need help or reassurance and to reach out to safe people. In those cases, setting up arbitrary goals around reducing the number of times per week or month that a person asks their therapist for help would be really counterproductive.
I also want to push back against the idea that there is a timeline for learning to trust or feeling more secure and that anybody who can't get there fast enough is "stuck." Growth happens at different rates based on all kinds of things, and often people will circle back to earlier states of uncertainty as they go deeper in their therapy work and open themselves up to new states of vulnerability.
You have mentioned that what happens between you and your T is more friend-like than anything. Those of us who have therapy relationships with different, more therapeutic boundaries might be having completely different experiences, which I would hope you could keep in mind. I'm glad what you're doing with your T works for you, but it doesn't mean that it would work for everybody.