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Originally Posted by Xynesthesia
Thanks. I did read that post before and followed the stone story. I don't see in that post mentioned that "he compared LT to a stalker sifting through someone's trash" and read "he also compared it to a fan going onto Bruce Willis' property and taking something from his trash and treasuring it because it belonged to him" - to me these statements don't have the same meaning. But if you guys discuss more privately and there is more revealed that way, my perceptions may be off as I only see the public posts. In any case, I personally like to follow your posts about this therapy mostly because they are so well-written and (as mentioned before several times) the T's style seems like something/someone I would find myself compatible with. He never strikes me as someone lacking reflection, more just sometimes clueless about certain things LT brings to therapy but to me it seems like he in interested in and willing to learn. The content of the stories is also often intriguing because so different from what I experienced in therapy, including my feelings and how I used it - this is where I relate to the T actually. Some people on this forum said before that he is too cognitive in style for working with LT's attachment stuff, which may be true. Of course one can say a therapist should have broader knowledge and experience with clients, which may also be true, but I guess it also depends what sort of modality they are working from primarily and what kind of clientele they have had. At least he does not sound like he makes fake/superficial claims to understand very well something that he does not, which many Ts do, IMO. Another reason I feel drawn to the discussions about this T is because, in some ways, I feel he triggers.frustrates people in some similar ways I sometimes do myself and am curious what exactly it is about.
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Thanks for your comments. I am surprised at times how polarizing my T can be on here. And I've told him about that, and he's seemed rather bemused by it. I have appreciated the fact that he's been fairly upfront about his knowledge level in certain areas--he's said multiple times that he's not psychodynamically trained (as opposed to ex-MC, who is) and isn't all that experienced in working with transference. Should I maybe have gone elsewhere right from the beginning? Maybe. But I also felt I wanted and needed a different sort of T than ex-MC and from ex-T (though she isn't psychodynamic). I mean, I was with ex-T 6 years and feel I didn't make all that much progress with her. And I felt stuck in my transference for ex-MC (the main reason I tried a different T to begin with).
Current T has also said that he's caring, but not "warm and fuzzy" and "squishy" like ex-MC is (they know each other). But I feel in some ways that's also kind of what I need. Maybe not what I *want* but what I *need.* I need someone who *isn't* going to encourage the transference. Do I have some transference for current T anyway? Sure. And I certainly have attachment to him. But it's different. In part because it's not paternal, which I think is the part that really affected me with ex-MC. (Well, that and the fact that I was kind of in love with him at one point...)
But anyway, I'll address some of that more in a separate post. Basically, I knew that *something* needed to change. I needed a different style. This T pushes and challenges me quite a bit, and I feel I've made lots of progress because of that. I can see why his style would be off-putting to many people, and at times, it is for me. But I also find his "feedback" (as he calls it) to be really helpful at times. Does it hurt sometimes? Yeah. But it's also forced me to look at parts of myself and how I relate to others in a new way. And I think that's really helped me with my outside relationships, including with my H. For one, I'm less scared to deal with the difficult stuff. And I'm thinking more about how I'm affecting people--H, friends, family, my D. I still have a ways to go, of course, but I feel this T can help me get there.