I don't know if this is relevant to your situation, please ignore if it isn't, but for what it's worth. . .

I didn't have what I would call a "successful" reenactment of my old family pain -- but I did experience the end of my last therapy as a rejection -- which eventually connected with rejection I had felt, but then "repressed" or disconnected from. And couldn't dredge it up, consciously, on my own.

The problem was -- once I experienced and felt the scorn and rejection from my last T -- what was I to do with that, without a contrary experience of being accepted in some other social environment or relationship(s)?

I don't think I agree with your T that you have to do it for yourself. I couldn't. BUT I have fortunately had enough accepting experiences in a real life support group, as well as this forum, that I'm beginning to. . .something.

Also, you may have mentioned it and I didn't see it or have forgotten, but do you like animals? I have 5 cats whom I do love unconditionally, and knowing that I do, helps me feel. . .well. . .nobody feels that way about me, but. . .still. . .it seems like a possibility worth not giving up on, yet.

If/when your T does hate you -- what would be the effect on you, do you think? Not that it will happen -- and maybe it wouldn't be the end of the world, or the end of the relationship necessarily, if it did happen.

Has it been that others have, or might have, hated you in the past, with horrific, traumatic results for you, and that is something that remains for you still to feel? If so, I can understand why you or anybody, or me, would "resist". The pain is so really horrible. And yet. . .it's part of you. Whom someone could love.

I guess maybe I should turn that back around on myself? -- well, not yet, though. This stuff sure ain't easy, that's for sure.