I am wondering if maybe things are at an impasse with your T. It sounds like you've done a ton of great work with him for the last seven or eight years, but maybe it would be helpful to try working with somebody new for a while, if that's a financial possibility. It doesn't mean you could never go back to your current T, and maybe a fresh perspective would give you a chance to be in a different place with him in the future. Being in a position where staying and going feel equally intolerable sounds really awful, and I don't think trying to get him to hate you (if that's even possible) would fix things or make you feel better.