At 150mg the wellbutrin isnt keeping the depression away and when I was on 300 there was no depression but I was manic the whole time. And APs suck all the life out of me so I drop them pretty quick.

The problem for me is that all of my bad episodes have been caused by meds. Or at least while I was on meds. I only had bad depression but no SI before meds. Except when I was 17 and tried but I was using several substances then.

The only thing I can see as possibly being a hypo episode before meds was ripping my bathroom apart, demolishing the basement and redoing all the plumbing at once. After that I crashed pretty hard and thats when i finally started meds.

That seems pretty minor to me though and Im just feeling like I would way rather go back to how I was. Now I hurt myself, I drink way more, I have an insane amount of SI and often have episodes where I get out of control to the point of involuntary. Thats not better. I might just keep filling my rx every week in case I need it later though.