Family of origin and what shape our self-esteem is in play huge roles in our mental health.

Our childhoods set up how we live our lives. Until a person learns self-awareness and actively works to change, they live out what they learned growing up. EVERYTHING. Literally, everything we heard, saw, witnessed is in our heads and can show up in our behavior.

For me, I didn't learn that my childhood was traumatic and abusive until I was an adult, looking for answers. I grew up thinking all families were like mine was. Reading up on subjects I had questions about helped me better understand and come to terms with how destructive my family is. And my oldest sister who bullied me and bullies my middle sister is a therapist herself.

Now, therapists are trained to help their clients straighten out their thinking.
That is the bottom line, what are we doing that keeps us stuck and what can we change to move forward.

There are lots of great articles online to guide a person to know what to look for in a therapist and what to stay away from. Here is one link for you:

Key Questions to Ask When Choosing a Therapist

Did you know that there are lots of therapists who hold their sessions through video conferencing? I have used that and it is very cool, almost Star Trek like, LOL

On this very website, you will find oodles of articles addressing your questions.

Psych Central - Trusted mental health, depression, bipolar, ADHD & psychology information

I encourage you to start there and decide what pace you need to maintain. It is your healing and you set the pace.

Your feelings and emotions are doing their job to alert you to take care of something that is bothering you. If you are experiencing emotions that you have never let develop, they can be frightening. In my therapy sessions, I had to face the fact that my own mother and two older sisters traumatized me so badly, most of my childhood is a complete blank. In addition to that, I have Clinical Depression and Complex Ptsd, plus a ton of health problems because of my upbringing. I dreaded facing that trauma but I did it and felt much better afterwards.

Where you go from here is up to you. You can read up on subjects that you would benefit from learning about to answer some questions you have. And I wish you the very best in whichever choice you make.