hi. :-) you sound fascinating.

psychiatry is kinda lame because they don't really -do- science, if you've noticed. and opinions vary, wildly, they sometimes straight up lie, and...blah.

at the end of the day, even the most sophisticated "antipsychotic" is just a tranquilizer. you might be better off, in terms of safety, with a benzodiazepine (ativan, valium, klonopin, etc.) than the Dopamine-blocking neuroleptics. i mean...they do cause addiction and such, but they're safer, physically...

and they're still used in psychosis, agitation, mania, etc.

i am prescribed Abilify at a moderate dose. its OK. I think Abilify and some of the drugs in its class are supposedly safer for heart health than some other options, but i could very well be wrong.

maybe this is a blessing in disguise? non-drug, even...drug, but non-neuroleptic/antipsychotic ways of dealing with what ails you might be the best thing, ever. ive only recently gotten to the point where my overall psych drug intake is low and my tranq dose is reasonable(ish)...

part my own immaturity, part just the way shrinks "do things," I guess.

i hope this helps, a bit (?). Have ever read Barbara Kingsolver novels?