I went to an NA meeting (12-step fellowship) tonight. I always enjoyed them so uch, but I've been away for a few years, due to illness and now I'm trying to reconnect. A lot of my old friends are still, but a lot of he face shave changed too. Well, I cried the whole time and worked myself up into a full-blown panic attack. My chest was hurting so bad and I felt like I couldn't breathe, which scared me and made it even worse. Fortunately, my good friend that's an EMT sat with me and helped me through it. He's an amazing person. I was so embarrassing, though. I have no control over my emotions right now, and it seems like every time I turn around, there's a crisis. I want it to be over. I keep begging God to take it away, but I guess He thinks it's not time yet. I feel like I'm gonna lose my mind and I so want to do something self-destructive to numb the pain, even if it's only temporary. Don't worry,I promise, I'm not suicidal, but there are alot of harmful things I can and want to do...but honestly, in this point in my life, they aren't really options anymore. Someone please help me. Thanks for letting me rant like a cray person. - Mary / PaintedTirtle