So I've been questioning if I have bipolar two for almost two years now. I let it go for a while but it's been on my mind again lately. My mood swings are getting tiring.

I would go from wanting to break up with my girlfriend one day to considering proposing to her the next. I even brought it up to my mom. I would actually want to break up with her and then be planning to get on a plane and fly to her so I could be with her cause she lived states away. I was 15. I also cheated on her a few times. Not with other girls but with dudes. I would text her acting like I loved her and then not respond to her for up to a month.

When I was going through a bout of depression my therapist convinced me to see a psychiatrist. I refused to see him again after he said one thing I found offensive about me to my mom about school. I later ended up having a crush on him.

I basically dropped out of high school at 15. I haven't gone to school in about a year (I'm currently 16). School is just overwhelming. I can't stand any of the staff, it's too long, work is too hard, it makes me depressed, etc.

When I was in middle school I was going to an online school. I didn't do any of the work and had all F's yet I'd tell people that I was going to Yale and that they'd regret treating me like cr*p when I go off and live this great life someday.

Those are just a few examples. Another big reason I think I have it is I was hospitalized twice. Once when I was 12 and once when I was 14 for being depressive. I have a cousin who's bipolar and she struggled with it in her teens. She was hospitalized for depression too.

I really wanna get this figured out already so maybe I can get figure out how to start feeling better. I've been seeing MFTs for almost a year and it really hasn't done much. Especially since I got a new one which I don't like so far.

It's so exhausting being so problematic. I'm not blind to the fact that I'm really stressing out my parents, that I need an education, that I screw up my relationships. My girlfriend of 3 years just left me for this kinda stuff. I'm surprised she stayed as long as she did. Most of all this mood instability is really taking a toll on me.

I suppose it doesn't really matter if I am bipolar, though. I've brought it up to my old therapist and the woman accessing me at the hospital and they both brushed it off so apparently it's not important *rolls eyes*