I wish I had friends in the first place.
it seems that stigma follows me everywhere, and people will usually pick up on the fact I have something they don't like, or have not been around, and leave because of that
it's easy to guess, too- even if I don't say anything

I've sort of given up trying to find friends- which sucks, because at the moment my support network is so small and I really want to expand it and talk to people on a regular bases (even via email), but it's tough when they just turn away