I am sure there are a lot of lonely people. It seems so strange that she would choose to talk to me of all people.

I don't think she is looking to get married with someone here. After last night I don't know anymore. Distance seems to be the best thing to keep our friendship from moving too fast.


Is this a bad thing? I don't know. If she were willing to uproot her life why me? I am literally no one. If she was willing, and came here she is taking all the risks and it would kill me if she did it and then realized that yes, I do suck and she made a horrible mistake. I do suppose if she flew herself here, the question of if she is a catfish would be answered.


Besides, the small possibility of her not being real I think I am most concerned about this veering into unhealthy for either of us. She was suicidal once and I am every day.


I guess there is no magic formula for it but I fear that if that happens I either won't recognize it or be too far gone to care. That would hurt me badly.


I can't really go back on meds safely and the last few months I have noticed that my mental state has deteriorated a fair amount. One reason I gave up on a social life so long ago is that when my mind is really ill I tend to latch on to anyone no matter how much they are hurting me, and they did hurt me severely. It isn't a problem when I am not as bad.