I rationally know the answer is to avoid the stressors. But doing that is sometimes impossible. So then I’m trying to get myself to stop fighting. That’s easier said than done. I’ve been diagnosed with different things by different doctors, so it’s confusing; PTSD, MDD, and borderline traits. So there’s that. Which comes first, the stressor or the disorder? I’m not on any psych meds or seeing any more professionals. I am weaning off Cymbalta right now prescribed for pain, and having awful withdrawals incidentally with headache. I self medicate with Benadryl for the “attacks” and it works somewhat; .25 or .50 mg. I have taken more when severe, which I know is dangerous, and I don’t condone anyone else doing this. I’m terrified of the psych meds and their side effects. I hated the therapy situation. I tell doctors not to give me benzos as I will abuse and overdose on them.

I have a theory that I’ve been exposed to so much trauma that I’m addicted to the release of the chemical it produces in my body and now cause myself more trauma to keep getting more of that chemical.

You have to be your own best friend. You have to keep telling yourself to keep calm and carry on. Take baths, watch comedies, do whatever makes you feel good and relaxed. Avoid the A holes. I do believe in time we can retrain ourselves and suffer less and less stress.