I came so close to killing myself tonight, honestly the only thing that stopped me was knowing that a lot of people are relying on me to show up to something tomorrow. I considered driving myself to the ER, too, which is saying something because you know how terrified I am of hospitals. But what happens if I go? Will I get checked in? Will I see a therapist in the hospital? Will that make me feel like I'm betraying you? I'm so scared. I wish I could talk to you but I can't see you for three more weeks. I'm really really scared.