*tw*
Hiding in a shed while they all looked for me. If my father found me, he'd make it my fault, but if the bullies found me, they would hurt me more. I hoped for the bullies because I wanted them to end it all. I had my head centered right in front of a very long protruding nail. I was going to force their hands to kill me.
My father found me. He did exactly as I thought, and I was again blamed for getting beaten by bullies. I made an attempt that night and several in a row after, but nothing ended my pain.
I'm still that scared kid, hiding and hoping the wrong people will end it all for me, with only the wrong encouragement.
I know there's no way solution to this. I know I can't get better. I'm always going to be very afraid and ready to go