I'm a bit depressed (the bipolar; I have been off Wellbutrin 2 weeks, it's not going well). I ran this morning though I did avoid a 2nd run after dropping my daughter off at school even though I really wanted to run more. I feel guilty now.

I don't even know if this running is so much ED behavior as OCD compulsion, don't know how to tell the difference. Though I guess some of it is ED as I like knowing I've exercised so much I likely cannot eat enough in a day to make up for the calories burned by the exercise I do each day.

But the ED is weird this time around. Before, I'd set a goal, reach it, set a lower goal, reach it, set a lower goal, reach it, set an even lower goal, and so on, never low enough. This time, I don't have a goal, just not to get above a certain weight and to maintain the weight I'm at. Which yes, is unhealthy but does not scream ED to everyone who sees me. Is that still ED behavior even though it is so different?

Though I do worry when I don't exercise that I will wake up morbidly obese the next day. I know that is not true. I have never been obese and maybe was about 5-10 lb. overweight in high school and that was with no exercise & eating whatever I wanted, not enough to get teased or made fun of for my weight. It is so stupid to worry as much as it as I do.

EDs just suck