Thanks for all the comments. I'm not entirely sure what's going on with me right now. I know it's not simply about the "I care about you." I think maybe some of it is about the construct of the therapeutic relationship in general. Like...maybe he cares about me but has to think about whether he should tell me that or not. Like whether it would be good for me therapeutically or not. And I hate that. I just want him to be human.

But I think a lot of this is also about how he's hurt me in the past, like with the stone, etc. I don't feel fully accepted by him. I hate that he thinks I'm some sort of weirdo (of course he didn't use that term!) because I care about and think about people so much. Like he said yesterday how I'm on the extreme end of the spectrum with that. I mean, maybe part of it is what I said yesterday about shooting the messenger. Like him telling me the harsh truth that most people don't think about other people much and just think about themselves or about nothing at all. (It was more complex than that).

I think it's also...I'm sort of trying to mold him into a certain type of T, and he just isn't. I see glimmers where "yes, maybe he gets it" like with giving me a transitional object, being OK with fairly frequent email, reassuring me that he's not going anywhere, etc. But then stuff happens to remind me that he's not psychodynamically trained, he's not that good at working with attachment, etc. And he uses "I give honest feedback" as a cover for saying some rather harsh things. I just don't know if I can deal with that anymore. I think I need a T who genuinely believes in and practices unconditional positive regard.

So...I think this is maybe me trying to convince the part of me that's all attached to him to just get away from him, so that I don't keep getting hurt.

I just think I need to be done...not sure if I'm taking a break from therapy in general for a bit or finding someone else.