Quote:
Originally Posted by atisketatasket
LT—if you do decide to move on, I would suggest working with a woman. I think somehow these guys represent an ideal father and an ideal husband to you. At least get rid of the second component.
On another note, and I think I have said this to you before, unconditional positive regard is not incompatible with honest feedback. A therapist can have that kind of regard for a client and still say “this is how your behavior affects me” and “I think this.” It’s like you love your daughter even when she is mid-tantrum. I don’t think it’s possible for change to happen in therapy without some kind of honest feedback.
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Thanks, I may need to try a woman again, but probably a younger one, as I had lots of negative maternal transference with ex-T (who is my mom's age). That does make sense re: UPR. The thing is, my T has explicitly said he doesn't believe in unconditional positive regard. The analogy with my daughter is a good one though. But I also feel like...I mean, my T has also said that if someone disrespects his feelings, he stops caring about them for a bit and seemed puzzled that I wasn't like that. He seems to think I'm just some anomaly in humankind. I need a T who doesn't think I'm some aberration, but who understands and respects my differences. (Ex-T also seemed critical that I was particularly tuned in to other people and implied that I cared too much.)
Hm, I'm starting to think that I have a similar record with T's as you do, you just realize you need to leave much more quickly than I do!