Session yesterday. I talked about grandpa's passing and how that affected me. We talked about death in different cultures and how different people deal with it based on their culture. I'm not sure that was entirely helpful as I was talking about me and how I was dealing with it, but okay, whatever, points to ponder.
We briefly talked about work. This was the first time she didn't tell me to get a new job. That's good. I like my job, I'm not challenged though and I don't make enough money, but I don't have the fight in me right now to go looking for a new job.
We talked about hallucinations and self harm. She wasn't particularly helpful with either. She tends to just ask me what I do to make me happy, what do I do to feel peaceful? Is there music I can listen to that helps? Is there a movie I watch that makes me feel happy? I could get that kind of response from a friend. I'm looking for something more concrete. Like what do I do with this stuff! I was kind of annoyed because she really wasn't giving me good responses. It just felt like "pat on the head" stuff. I talked to her about having SI around the time of grandpa's passing. She skipped right over that.
I think she's nice. I think she doesn't know how to help me though. I think she's just sort of floundering, like pulling out the same questions each time. I'm wondering if it's helping me.
She asked me trigger for SH
I don't know. It's just one of those sticky thoughts that won't go away. She didn't have any answer as to helping the thoughts get unstuck. Its like they are velcoed to my brain.
She ended the session by asking me if there was anything else I wanted to tell her but didn't. Nope. I thought that was a weird question as she had said our time was up. Why would I bring up something else if our time was up?
Argh. I miss my former T so much. It's like any progress I was making has come to a complete halt. I think PC is doing me more good than therapy really. Just having people that go through the same stuff. Anyway I see T again in one month. I think she has too many clients. She doesn't seem to remember things from previous sessions. Kit.