LT I completely understand where you are coming from. I had a very similar run in with my T. They just wouldn’t say it. They said they had shown me in many ways that they cared but I wanted more. I kept pushing for it until I realized that even if they said it in response to me asking I wouldn’t believe it. I would think they had said it because I pushed them into it, to get me to stop asking or for any other reason other than they meant it. My asking seemed to make it loose it’s power and significance. I know my T cares. Yes possibly as a client more likely as a person who cares for other human beings. I can see care in all the other things they do and they say to me. It is hard to hold onto and scary as hell to trust in that.
I do think some people especially those with developmental trauma or attachment issues can benefit from a T being more explicit with their feelings and not expecting clients to just feel it or read between the lines. It can be hard for those who received no care or inconsistent care to trust it even when it’s shown to them. They can feel they need it to be said to ‘know’ it’s true. On the other hand, lots of people can say words that really have no meaning and just because a T says they care doesn’t mean they avtually do either. As the saying goes actions are more important than words. I would much rather this than hollow words with no actions. For me though there is nothing more powerful than words AND actions. I need the explicit words followed by actions. I need things that don’t have a potential double meaning to them. It drives my brain crazy. Sometimes my T will do sometime that is clearly because they care and I feel it for a second but then my mind will lean towards the other potential reasons they did it eg maybe they don’t want to lose a client maybe they want to keep the regular money coming it. It’s frustrating and exhausting. I’m hoping I can get to a place where eventually I feel the care and my mind just stays there and I trust it and feel it without going to the other side. I think for my T that is also their hope too.

I do understand the struggle do and the hurt by him not saying it. Right now it seems like there is no way out and I too thought about quoting when my T wouldn’t give me what I wanted. What I thought I desperately needed. If only they would tell me the care then all would be okay and I would feel better.... except I wouldnt... it wouldn’t all be better.

I’ve said previously your T sometimes struggles with relational stuff and is learning IMO and that’s hard. Even if he was a relational T he would sometimes get it wrong. That’s the nature of relationships. This is going to bring hurts and difficulties with it but u do seem to be making progress. Only u know if u can work through this or not. Right now you seem quite hurt and raw by it. The wound is still fresh perhaps as you already said it will be good to wait a few days and consider your decision then.

[QUOTe] But I also feel like...I mean, my T has also said that if someone disrespects his feelings, he stops caring about them for a bit and seemed puzzled that I wasn't like that. [QUOTe] I find this a strange statement. I mean sometimes my husband hurts my feelings but that doesn’t mean I stop caring about him . Same goes for my daughter or a close friend. I may be hurt or annoyed by them and may even not like them in the moment but I do care about them that doesn’t stop.