im very tired, mostly because of my job. i have no time to do anything else but sleep and work. i didnt want that but i need the money.
im buying a little flat for myself. the place where im going to…. ***
im scared. i shouold be happy but i only feel detached from it all.
i promised i'd do things right and i am, even my body and mind are acting "right"....
but deep down im only scared and try to act right to not lose my mind. im doing as promised, as expected of me. last night i slept with my teddy. im almost 37.
i envy everyone and my T did awful talking to me about a person we both know. now im triggered.
i want to scream and hide, but then once alone, there would be only my own mind to keep me company and its not something i want. i want to get out of my own head.
im doing things right. all duties. i even watch a tv serie i dont like… i dont know why. to keep my mind somewhat busy, i guess….
why is everyone else moving on with their lives but me? the flat is a step forward technically but its just a facade and i still feel stuck in my head, in my misery.
i want out but im scared. i want rest but my mind wont let me.
everything and everyone are hurting me just by being and living their lives. i dont want mine. im so tired of it.
please, someone help me somehow?