I don't want that feeling. Sometimes I think I'm ready to undergo a brain surgery to remove the part responsible for it.

I had a crush on my housemate next door in a rooming house. We were friends. Then he started bringing people to have sex with and I'd go crazy. Like can't sleep or eat, the adrenaline levels spiking up so high yet on the outside, of course I wouldn't show it, act totally cool. It's probably to do with my childhood traumas, domestic violence and other stuff.

It may be jealousy or it may not because I know he goes out to have sex and I have no reaction, completely calm as long as it's outside the house but as soon as I hear steps or them having sex next room I go nuts.

I stopped being friends with him and talking to him at all hoping this would get rid of the feeling. The feeling indeed is of a lesser extent but still really bothersome and disruptive.

I can't move out, I have no money. The day I can move out or he moves out would be the best day of the year. How do I deal with it until then? It's like living in a state of constant fear. I'm so angry with myself. Please help. I've also been suffering from depression which doesn't really help in this situation.