I know we all are ultimately alone. it makes me sad and overwhelmed and powerless, defeated and scared. resigned.

i dont feel im moving forward. i feel im surrendering to my destiny. dying alone, disappointed and disgusted by the failure of my life and the whole world and life as they are made.

bottom line is in the end i will give up. it is too much for me. im wrongly wired to this world. im having enough. just waiting for the right moment. it could take longer than i wish but i will get there. and it is comforting somehow...