A couple of people asked for an update on my situation. I was IP for 4 weeks and received ECT. My situation only got worse but I begged to be released even though the staff were worried about me. I just had to get out of there. And the mixed state I am in made me desperate to escape.

Anyway, since discharge my mind has gone out of control (well more so). I swing from elation to severe depression rapidly. My thoughts are all over the place, hard to pin down, and rapid. I barely sleep except for brief naps here and there. I am staying with my parents, as per discharge agreement, and they are VERY watchful. It really annoys me but I think it is keeping me safe. I have also spent a tonne of my savings on random online and in-store purchases. They are slowly trickling through the mail. lol

Well today I had my first maintenance ECT and my brain has actually calmed down so far today (it is 3.30 pm). Before the 6 am treatment I had a rough night being very agitated and depressed, unable to sleep then suddenly cheerful at about 5 am. My mood may be 'up' but my thoughts are slowing. Yey!

I really hope this pattern continues. I still can't sit still and keep planning catch up with friends, swimming in the ocean, going for long drives etc. All good things but I really need to hide myself in a dark room sometimes and withdraw from the stimulation that seems to further drive the mixed state. I am still very agitated a lot of the time too. I hope that calms down soon. I have meds to help me do that but I fight myself to take them as 'I don't want to calm down' (stamps foot).

Oh well, it is just one good day but thats a start right.