Quote:
Originally Posted by NP_Complete
Just the way our session went yesterday. I'm probably reading too much into it.
I emailed him Tuesday after I got triggered by seeing a bunch of police and then hearing a song that made me feel the loss of everything that was before very intensely. We talked about how hard it was to sit at work after that and he asked if emailing him and him responding helped. I said yes, it did. Then he asked if there were other things I could do and I guess I felt like I shouldn't have emailed him. Then later in the session, something triggered a deep sadness in me. He saw it immediately and he said he wanted to know how my mind works that I could switch so rapidly. That made me feel a little bit broken. Also, he was running a little late at the beginning of session and we started about 5 minutes late. I figured he'd give me my full 45 minutes, but he didn't. It was just little things that probably mean nothing in the grand scheme of things, but I'm just in a bad place lately, wanting to SH and having a lot of SI, so they seem bigger to me right now.
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I honestly used to get angry with R for being 2 mins late and I'm not even joking. The 5 min thing would bother me too and doesn't sound small at all.
I would bring it up when I next saw him. But having rapid mood changes doesn't mean you're broken. I think it would show you have such capacity to really feel. And they can get better with time. Any T would prefer to be there for their client in a crisis. I think alternatively he wasn't saying that you shouldn't have emailed, but exploring other methods you could also use to help calm yourself down.