I'm losing the battle to be happy. I rejected someone's invitation to a party. I exposed myself as uncaring when I can't get the ability to care right now. They don't understand, and I don't either. They took it as I disliked them when in truth and in better mood states, I love them. I don't have the energy to fight about it. This time of year is getting worse and I'm irritated by everything it seems. I can't find peace or comfort and I don't think I deserve either. I ponder on my death as the best release and I know that's bad thinking but it seems like the only way to feel better. I'm likely turning off my phone for a few days because I'm tired of people in general, and myself majorly. Goodbye to those that I've connected with and I don't recommend you try to find me. I'm going to hibernate, I think. I'm broken and not worth fixing