I’ve told my T in emails and want to say it to her but I’m terrified of her reaction. She clearly doesn’t love me, i’m Unloverble. I get that, I had a childhood of it, of telling my parents I loved them and them telling me they didn’t love me. In my last email I wrote to T, I said we both know you can’t say you don’t love me because it will be too damaging for me, so we skirt around it. It’s annoying and in a way I think if she just said, I don’t love you, I could deal with all this a lot easier, less transference Etc. I said to her in one particular bad session that she doesn’t care about me, I’m just a number to her and she said how do you think that makes me feel? My instant reactions was to apologise, but actually, why should I care what you feel? It’s about me not you!

Wish she did love me though, I imagine being loved is a nice feeling.