It seems like idealization is wearing off :/.

I once read somewhere that clients tend to view their therapists as exponentially more attractive than they actually are due to transference. I think of children and how they view their moms and dads as the most beautiful people in the world. I know with my own therapist, for many years everything she did seemed wonderful and special... and she appeared phenomenally more beautiful over time than first impressions.

Idealization has really invogorating parts. I really miss how excited I used to get before sessions with her and how great it felt to be in her presence. I retrospect, such strong feelings made little sense against who she was as a person. In fact, I see now that she was no more special than others in my life.