It has become more clear to me since I’ve started therapy that I sometimes look to my therapist as sort of a maternal figure. Someone who may be able to show genuine caring and comforting and concern like a mother would and there are times that I want that from him. It’s a bit strange because he’s male, but my understanding is that doesn’t matter. I’m actually relieved he’s male because I think it might be harder and more distracting for me to deal with these maternal sort of issues with a female therapist. It’s also strange because I think of myself as someone who is the one doing the comforting and caregiving both in my home and at my work (I’m in a helping profession).

As I was leaving work the other day after an emotionally draining day I felt the strong urge to talk to my T about my day and just be listened to and maybe be the one who is cared for emotionally for a change. I am estranged from my own mother (and my father died when I was a kid) so I suppose it’s only natural to replace her (or the ideal version of her) with him. I just don’t know what I’m supposed to do with these feelings. I used to email him and he would occasionally respond with some kind or supportive words, but he recently said he would no longer respond to my emails. He would read them, but not respond, and I just don’t see the point in sending an email if I won’t get a response. So I’m trying to figure out what to do with these feelings of seeing him as someone who in my mind could provide caring and comfort, but apparently it’s not going to happen. Where am I supposed to get these needs met? Am I just supposed to do it myself? I pretty much already handle everything by myself, so I’m not exactly sure what the point of the therapy relationship is. Part of me wishes I could just hire someone to send me supportive emails when I need them, but I suppose that’s not really the answer. And part of me wonders if he’s trying to get me to feel the loss of my mother’s estrangement more fully.