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Originally Posted by Deyla2324
I can’t even describe how I’m feeling right now and I can’t stop crying. He came to my job and like I knew would happen we fought right there. I really don’t understand why for once in my lifetime things can be essy. It’s normal for people to break up and not communicate. Why can it be so problematic for me? I am really down right now and can’t stop crying! I wish everything could stop! I don’t want to cry, think or anything, I just want to have some level of normalcy.
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Getting out of a crappy relationship is not as easy as getting into it because there is a lot more emotions involved by that point.
The fact that he came to your work was VERY disrespectful to you. Work place is NEVER a place for personal issues to be confronted & you had every right to react the way you did. It also just reinforces that his actions are all about himself & he could care less about you. Probably had the intention of making you look like the bad guy in front of your co-workers. Hope it backfired on him miserably.
Crying is normal while we are resolving things in our own minds. Shoot I was in tears for years after I left my H. Not because I cared about him or missed him but because of the frustrations he was still causing me after 11 years of being separated from him (financial issues kept the divorce from happening earlier)
Until I actually got into good therapy where I learned to identify my emotions (other than anger & seeing red) & be able to express them. My therapy was nothing but crying without real words to explain the tears while both my DBT group leader & my private psycholigist worked on helping me learn how to express myself in a healthy way....something I had never learned in all my 54+ years of life.
It takes time to make your NEW NORMAL the normal you get used to being normal. Change always takes adaptation & we NEVER go back to the way it was because when we have gone through bad experiences the past can never be recreated. We always have to create a new normal that we become comfortable with.
The best way to get on with making your new normal is to cut all ties with that past that has created so much fighting in your life. If he comes around don't accept seeing him & if he comes to your work again have management escort him off the property if he won't leave on his own for you. (I did that when I was protecting my mom in the hospital...security helped me take care of the situation without my having to make a scene)
Just remember.....we feel this way
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Why can it be so problematic for me?
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but when we start talking to others we find out that things like this are not JUST problematic for you but everyone goes through some level of problematic in situations similar to yours.
One thing I found is that most things when it happens & while we are working on resolving ut seems so very dramatic with no solutions. As we wirk through the issue things & solutions become more & more clear to us. Getting through that time period is the toughest. I have learned never to make decisions immediately when a problem hits me. I now take some time to think through it at a distance by setting myself apart in order to see the bigger picture & analyze options as they come to figure out how best to handle the problem. Before good therapy I wanted everything solved yesterday. Give yourself time & patience.
