I struggled for decades. I did manage to stay in a controlled manic long enough to go from mustered out national guard into active Army when the kids were in grade school so that kept us fairly stable for the twelve years I was able to hang in. It’s just about impossible to get “fired” or kicked out from the army unless you seriously mess up...at least it was in the 90’s. Luckily I was in a field where they spent a good deal of money training me so the stretchability of how far I leaned over that line was quite malleable. Still, I took a header and ended up getting out before I managed to screw up enough for a negative discharge. Civilian life was another story. I went from lab to lab after I got out, somehow able to hold enough together and either shift laterally or find a better position as my need for scenery change took over. I was like a functional alcoholic. I developed incredible skill at pretending to be completely normal when I most definitely was not.

I’ve bounced a lot of checks and had to deal with major debt from smoking credit cards over the years but I think, all in all...it was my children who kept me just sane enough to not stay over the edge too long except for one suicide attempt that came way too close to dropping the “attempt” part.

In the end, I can only say I had a beat up guardian spirit because there is no way I should be as in tact as I am now unless that were not the case. I now have a great writing career on my own terms, in my own safe space where I can write or create as I please and an amazing editor and publisher who understand and work with, shall we say, more eccentric writers, so I get the time and understanding other, more mainstream publishing houses don’t offer.

I really don’t have much advice to give other than try to find folks you can seriously trust to help you handle money. I had the military banking systems for years, then got great advice from an HR person who showed me how to set up auto payments and auto deposits into savings, Christmas club accounts, etc. If you can’t see it, you usually won’t spend it.

Now I have accountants and a money savvy husband who comes from a disciplined German family who has drilled into their decendents NOT to burn thru what they created. I know how blessed and lucky I am and I don’t take it for granted. I also give myself the credit for leaping off the cliff and having the courage to finish and submit that first book. That alone made a huge impact on my life and I would not be where I am if I had listened to those who told me to be “sensible” and stay in a secure field. Thank God for the few positive manics I managed to hold on to back then.

So, yeah...I guess what I’m saying it IS possible to be severely limited and still be successful. In fact, most truly innovative historical figures were, in some way, dealing with BP, or BP like issues. Basically, We Rock. So, don’t give up. Don’t let anyone attempt to limit you if you feel you know in your heart you can do something and it’s a positive endeavor...not a manic episode of something like “I can walk through walls if I concentrate hard enough”...I speak from embarrassingly real experience. Hang on! Rock on and stick to it!!