Hello larry: I see this is your first post here on PC. So... welcome to PsychCentral.

So... sage advice, huh? Okay...well... my wife & I have been married for 39 years. So you probably can't get a whole lot more sage than that. From my perspective I don't think there are any concrete answers to this. It's not a right or wrong sort of situation.

The situation you describe can be a tricky one. There is such a thing as an "emotional affair" that can develop in these sorts of situations. (I'll be linking you to some articles on this subject.) And it's not always easy to see when a friendship is drifting across the line into the realm of the emotional affair, particularly for the two parties who are involved. So one does need to be careful.

On the other hand, I believe that a marriage is between two adults who none-the-less maintain their status as independent individuals. I would never consider it to be appropriate for me to tell my wife who she should & shouldn't be friends with. I would consider it to be appropriate for me to express my concern regarding a particular relationship my wife might have (or vice versa.) But it would be her decision regarding how, or if, to respond.

Hopefully what would happen in a circumstance such as this is that the two of us would talk the situation through & she would decide how to proceed based on our discussion. But, by the same token, I would also have the right to decide what I was or was not willing to accept & how I wanted to proceed. From that perspective, it becomes a matter of personal boundaries... both my wife's & mine. (Again... see articles below.) We are each independent adults whose lives intersect within our marriage, if that makes sense.

So... all that written... what your mate is doing is establishing some personal boundaries with regard to your relationship with her. That's perfectly appropriate to my mind. You also have the right to your own personal boundaries though. And where "the rub" comes, so to speak, is where your personal boundaries and your mate's fail to jibe. Then it's a matter of the two of you talking the situation through & seeing if you can figure out a way to reconcile your personal boundaries with your mate's. This is where couples sometimes seek counseling when they can't come to some resolution on their own.

Here are links to a selection of 11 articles, from PsychCentral's archives, that hopefully may be of help in putting this situation into perspective, the 8th by our host Dr. John Grohol, Psy.D.:

Opposite-Sex Friendships and Romantic Relationships

12 Warning Signs That It's Emotional Infidelity – And Not 'Just Friendship' | Neuroscience and Relationships

Communication Pitfalls & Pointers for Couples; Psych Central

How Conflict Can Improve Your Relationship

Agreeing to Disagree: Overcoming Communication Conundrums in Relationships

https://psychcentral.com/lib/10-rule...couples/?all=1

https://psychcentral.com/lib/the-10-...happy-couples/

https://psychcentral.com/lib/5-secre...arriage/?all=1

https://psychcentral.com/lib/keeping...our-needs-met/

https://psychcentral.com/blog/why-he...ries-in-yours/

https://psychcentral.com/blog/3-ways...ip-boundaries/

I hope you find PC to be of benefit.