/\ /\ "..Boundaries and Expectations" Yes yes yes, THIS!

Fiance' (aka Crazyman) has serious anxiety/panic attacks, mixed with Complex PTSD of very long standing. I'm Aspie-Lite(ish) mixed with anxiety. We had to get a lot of things worked out re expectations, and boundaries are a work-in-progress ALWAYS, imo. This applies, I think, even for people who have no known MH/Spectrum glitches.

Challenges still arise. F.e., I'm drama-averse and don't do LOUD at all well; when he is over-excited or any other version of upset, he gets in my face and yells. Happens with decreasing frequency and we're much more aware of those potential situations before they happen now, than earlier, so -- it's a mark of progress.

Being aware of each other's Hot Buttons (and I don't mean little aggravations, but the really big Don't-Go-There essentials) is imo absolutely vital from the start.

WishfulThinker /\ above emphasizes communicating: Yes indeed -- but be sensitive and aware of what that looks like in your relationship! When one partner goes silent and isolates, that doesn't necessarily mean "I don't love you and I don't care what you have to say!" It can mean " I'm bloody overwhelmed and need time to process what's going on -- I'll be out of my cave when I've my wounds licked and my head screwed back on."

If partner #2 doesn't grok this and gets clingy, or diverts him/herself with a lot of socially demanding distraction, it could be read the same way: "Well, so much for that, I guess our issues aren't important to YOU!"

It's easy to get crossways.

Biggest help of ever imo? Know each other really, really well. And listen to yourself -- what you really said, as opposed to what you thought you meant. lol That sounds confusing, but it is a huge stumbling block -- and Crazyman & I have known each other 30 years!

It can be done, and it's worth it -- but it's a commitment.

All the best,

Chyia, of the I'm-Cold-He's- Fire Battle Scars heh.