I agree having emotions are hard. The return policy... thats called dissociation. dissociation is an automatic response to a trigger that causes a person to not feel anything. to feel / go numb, spaced out and disconnected from their feelings.

the fact that you can feel these things in your post rather than dissociating that says a lot to me. that says you have made amazing progress and healing of your dissociation problems and now are ready to feel like other non dissociative people do.

my point yea its hard but I remind myself every time I am able to feel instead of dissociating how far I have come. its not much but it does help me to feel better when I flip the negative into a positive.

maybe this same trick will help you. its ok to let your self feel and then decide what you want to do about what you are feeling and what changes you want to make in your life to add calm and contentment now that you are able to feel things.

what I did to add calm and contentment to my life when I no longer dissociated to extremes when I felt hard emotions was ....

take a walk out in nature or to a favorite place
row my canoe around the lake
bake something that I enjoy with all my senses
call my treatment provider who is always ready with suggestions to help get me through feeling instead of dissociating.