So my fiancé and I both don’t want a wedding and we want to elope. When I mentioned elopement to my parents, they said they would be hurt to not be involved and my dad says he would be very disappointed to not give me away. So I decided that we had to have a wedding for their sake.

Well it turns out that means we have to pay for the wedding ourselves. We don’t want to. It’s a few thousand dollars we don’t have, even for a very small family only wedding, and we also have to save and pay for the honeymoon ourselves.

The only reason to have a wedding is for my family, not for us. I want to tell my parents that we prefer to elope, that we don’t want them to be hurt, but that this is what we can and want to do. I also don’t even agree with the notion of my father “giving me away”. I’m 48 and have been out of the house since I was 18.

I worry about how they will feel and about hurting them, but it’s our wedding and we both feel that we should be doing it for us, not for them. I cannot help but feel guilty though .. how do I approach this with them and explain it so they understand? I have such enormous guilt but also resentment. They’ve always tried to control me and guilt me into doing what they want me to do. It’s my life, for Christ’s sake. Please advise ... thank you!