Honestly... the feelings for T's can be all over the place and very confusing. So it may not make sense but it does happen to people often and you are not alone or weird or anything for feeling this way

Rainbow, what about your T is now making her unattractive to you? I totally get that feeling of a love potion wearing off, and wanting it back. That unhealthy obsession with therapy gives life so much heightened meaning, though painful.

It seems like idealization is wearing off :/.

I once read somewhere that clients tend to view their therapists as exponentially more attractive than they actually are due to transference. I think of children and how they view their moms and dads as the most beautiful people in the world. I know with my own therapist, for many years everything she did seemed wonderful and special... and she appeared phenomenally more beautiful over time than first impressions.

Idealization has really invogorating parts. I really miss how excited I used to get before sessions with her and how great it felt to be in her presence. I retrospect, such strong feelings made little sense against who she was as a person. In fact, I see now that she was no more special than others in my life.

Actually, you make a great deal of sense. You are confused by the change in your emotions about your therapist. This confusion is no doubt frustrating and gives you a sense of everything being mixed up and in the air. I am glad you raised this with your therapist. What ought to happen is that she and you establish new boundaries and expectations in response accordingly. As a result you should be able to get things back on track.

((((((( rainbow )))))))